I’m going to be leaving a lot of heartache, stress, anxiety and whatever other dumb shit I can think of behind in 2014. Of course, I will still carry some stuff along with me if it’s meaningful to me, but other than that, I just can’t drag anything with me to the new year that is going to wear me down. 2014 was a semi-trying year for me, and I don’t want to deal with the nonsense it brought me any more
In 2015, These Are Some of the Things I am leaving behind:
People who I thought were friends with me, but were really just curious by-standers.
Password protecting Autumn Star’s entries. It’s much more easier for my friends and visitors to read my entries and it’s also easier for me to not have to keep a list of who can read my entries/who had the password I had set for entries. Plus, I don’t feel the need to have the password protection.
The people who treat me differently after reading my blog entries. I’m the same person as I am online and offline, and I would greatly appreciate it if people like that stayed stuck in my past from now on. I don’t need people like that in my life. It’s so unnecessary; so fake.
Negative people who want to bring me down to their level. Look, I know I was different BEFORE but I have done A LOT of growing up this past year of 2014. I’ve seen some, I’ve lost some, I’ve grown much more than both of those things. You don’t need to bring the past of someone else up and try to shove it in their face as if they still live there, because I definitely don’t anymore. I’m also now on medication which helps me become a better and more easier person to be around, be friends with, talk to, etc. I take it to function properly throughout the day and night, to sleep better and to keep my anxiety, depression and panic levels at a minimum, and so far it has worked wonders for me. Say whatever you want and try to bash me for whatever reason you seem is necessary – you go right ahead – you will be left behind for all I care. It is no longer my problem to worry about what people have to say about me or what people don’t like about how happy I am now, and how I have changed. It’s only the people who support me, who respect me and who are proud of my accomplishments that deserve my time ♥
The people who act better than everyone else. Yeah, they can stay over in their little corner.
I am leaving behind the judgement about my sexuality. I came out as bisexual this year after years of hiding it, and if you cannot accept me, you are being left behind. I am not someone you should fear because of my sexuality, and I am not someone you should turn away because of my sexuality. I am someone who could give you a great friend to you if you choose to accept me, but if you cannot, like I said, goodbye :)
I am leaving behind the depression and panic attacks which I suffered for two years after my best friend Jeanetta passed away in September of 2012. I am leaving behind the deep, dark, rock-bottom times that I had suffered through, and I am blossoming into a more beautiful, confident and loving person each and every day. I am leaving it behind because no one needs that burden in their life. I still struggle here and there, but I refuse to suffer.
I am leaving behind the burden that one of my doctors places on me. The burden of “You HAVE to lose weight to be on the birth control pill” or “you have to lose weight if you ever want any more children, because your weight can cause problems and you will have fertility problems” or “I’m not taking your excuses for not losing weight this past summer, you had the chance and you made an excuse.” I know, she’s a fucking bitch, she really is. I can’t stand her and I’m still looking for a new doctor who accepts my insurance. But anyway, I’m leaving behind the STRESS that she gives me over telling me that I’m basically ‘too fat’ to have more kids one day, that I need to lose weight to be on a birth control pill, and that I’m lazy for not losing weight but focusing on my mental health (because that’s what I told her I did this past summer, that I focused more on my mental health and she didn’t like that answer).
I am leaving behind the saying “when I get the chance” or “when I get around to it”. I have plenty of times to accomplish things, and I am ready to kick any unnecessary and unwanted laziness out of my life. Sometimes, it’s good to have a lazy day, but enough is enough.
Any aggravations or annoyances will more than likely get a laugh out of me (unless, of course, they are super serious). It’s already happening, and I can feel that change already starting… and believe me, I am so thrilled about it. I love the new me!
Also, as you can see, I have deleted every single older entry I have ever had on Autumn Star. I did it for a few personal reasons that I don’t want to get into, but most of all, I did it so I can start fresh for the new year. I still have my old entries archived off of my domain, but none of them are actually stored on here anymore. I want to be able to look back on them so I have stored them privately elsewhere, for my eyes only. I will no longer be password protecting anything on my blog as I don’t feel it’s necessary anymore, too.